Spirituality and Self Help » freedom

How to Overcome The Fear of Failure

shimon — Tue, 24 Mar 2009 01:00:47 +0000

This is a guest post by Courtney Phillips. Courtney is the owner of Rated Colleges
It’s basic human nature to judge and be judged by our successes or lack of them; it’s a trait that we’re born with and one that’s passed on to us by the adults around us from the time we’re old enough to develop reasoning skills.

Usually the children who are good at something and talented are lauded and feted by society; there’s no room for the also-rans and the jack-of-all-trades in a world where you have to excel academically, have a flair for the arts, sing like a bird, dance like a peacock, play like a jock, and so on and so forth, to be able to say that you’re a success.

This is exactly why we grow up fearing failure. What exactly is failure? In the eyes of society, it’s the act of not being outstanding at anything you attempt. Your parents expect you to top your class when you’re in school; and when you grow up, they expect you to get into the best colleges and land a high-profile job, one that will allow them to be proud of you.

Most people end up failing for this very reason – they’re not able to live up to the expectations of their loved ones. And that my friends, is the root cause of failure – EXPECTATIONS. When we don’t expect anything, it’s easy to be content with what we have. And when we are content with what we have, we’re in that elusive state we refer to as happiness.

Overcoming failure

Failure is a detour, not a dead-end street. — Zig Ziglar

So if you’re looking to overcome your fear of failure, here’s what you need to do :

1Adopt a never-say-die attitude. If there’s something you want badly, (the operative word here is YOU), there’s no shame in trying to achieve it even if you fail repeatedly. After all, if your happiness depends on it, why should you worry about what other people think or say?

History is replete with stories where success comes after multiple failures – we only have to look at the legend of Robert Bruce and the spider and Thomas Edison’s failed inventions for inspiration.

2 Think of the worst that could happen: Very often, the worst that could happen is that you suffer varying levels of embarrassment. Sometimes you also end up losing precious time, money and other resources. But if what you stand to gain is much more valuable than what you could lose in the process of trying, it’s worth making the effort.

3Think of the best that could happen: What if you end up achieving your goals in a spectacular manner? You’d never know how it felt unless you tried. Albert Einstein, one of the greatest geniuses of all time, said that genius was 1 percent inspiration and 99 percent perspiration. So if you try hard enough and put your heart and soul into attaining your goal, you’re definitely well on the road to success.

It’s always the first step that’s the hardest to take; once you get past this, you’re definitely going to gain courage with each and every further step that you take. So if you’re able to muster up the strength to take the initial initiative, you have nothing to fear but fear itself.

In this video Phil Van Hooser explains more about the fear of failure.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=LvtOMLocVeg

A larger picture of truth?

shimon — Thu, 22 Jan 2009 13:30:39 +0000

This is a guest post by Natheya. Natheya uses the Language of Light to heal.

Beyond the new frontiers, unfamiliar but wondrous, there is so much to discover and experience.

We are basically seekers and are using the pieces of truth that we discover as building blocks, stacking them up, sometimes taking one out but mostly adding and expanding.

Why do we do that? Because deep down we know that truth is expansive, it is limitless. Beyond every question lies the potential of a different one. Beyond every answer there is the promise of another layer of truth. We incorporate truth in its presented form, work with it and play with it until that moment when we feel there is yet another, broader vision possible.

It might still be imperceptible or unclear but we can sense it is available and that through this other perspective we might reach a fuller understanding. What is our next move as we gradually acknowledge this intriguing process, this fundamental quest to understand at a deep level? For some of us, this desire to expand our knowing is welling up from deep within, tantalizing us, nagging us, and propelling us to go ‘further’.

As the prevailing answers do not immediately unlock the presence of this larger viewpoint, we start asking ourselves different questions, each new answer bringing an additional piece of the puzzle which is growing more and more intricate and ever more colorful. Meanwhile we keep searching and digging until at one stage the answers seem to fit, they come together and start giving a hint of unraveling a larger picture.

We experience that well known ‘aha’ feeling as something appears to finally click and fall into place. We get a greater insight. Is there a next step, you may wonder? We do tend to stop right here and reach no further, at least not for a quite a while. This is not all that surprising. After all, we did a lot of ‘work’ and we did not give up our search quickly.

We did not simply go along with what was presented to us. We were not swayed by the superficial and obvious. On the contrary, we prodded diligently with passion and dedication until – at last – we discovered and unveiled the hidden treasures of truth.

We got what we were looking for. So it appears…What has occurred so far in our process of understanding and knowing is that we have taken a photograph – possibly even a number of them using a wider lens and from a different angle, but the same scene nevertheless. And holding it in our hands we then cut it up in small pieces, scattered them all around and subsequently started the process of putting them back together again.

Once that is seemingly accomplished, we sigh with relief and a sense of accomplishment. We relax and savor our newly found truth, in the same way that we put our feet up at the end of a long journey and ease into the enjoyment of a well earned rest and quiet reflection. However, we are the ones that selected the picture in the first place – based on our individual judgment, preference and understanding of what is or should be displayed in front of us – and it is the only one we interact with.

We pointed the camera. We chose the scenery. We took the photograph. Sealed, signed and delivered. The result is that we have kind of predetermined the framework in which the pieces could fall into. What if we made it too small or we were looking at the ‘wrong’ angle? What if there is an even grander picture available, a bigger panorama, one that is more revealing and displaying a clarity that enables us to see things that were not noticeable before? Would we even recognize it?

How To Utilize The Power Of Words

shimon — Thu, 06 Nov 2008 03:43:02 +0000

Watch your thoughts; they become words. Watch your words; they become actions. Watch your actions, they become habits. Watch your habits; they become character. watch your character; it becomes your destiny. — Frank Outlaw

We use words all the time, we use them to convey our ideas to other people and influence them. Countless leaders used words to motivate people and to ultimately cause them to behave in a certain way. What we aren’t always aware of is that words are influencing us the moment we utter them.

Did you know that Eskimos have more then one word to describe snow? It is believed that snow plays a bigger part in their lives, they have more experiences regarding it and therefore more words to describe it. You can learn a lot just from listening to someone else talk. For example if he uses the word fear or anxiety a lot it means that it’s probably a big part of his experience.

We all know how changing our job title to something like manager can improve our feelings even if we do the same job and earn the same salary. The only thing changed was the name that gave us a feeling of importance. When we feel better we are likely to preform better.

Words created a lot of our beliefs and they can also reveal them. For instance if someone says “I’m that way because…” or “if you go out without a coat you’ll catch a cold” they’re expressing their beliefs. Lets do a little experiment, say the word fear for 30 seconds. How do you feel? Are you afraid? To cancel the negative effect say the word love for a minute.

This exercise shows us that by changing our words we can instantly change how we feel and thus change how we act. I want to clarify that words just like emotions are an energy form they aren’t good or bad, However some words will assist you to achieve what you desire and others won’t.

Different people use different words to describe the same situations and therefore they experience different emotions which causes them to act differently. What changed wasn’t the event but rather the words they used.

When we use a certain word it becomes our experience even if it wasn’t at the beginning. We categorize our emotions to ease our thinking process, However by doing so we force the category on the emotion. For example if you felt uncomfortable and you called it fear it will become fear.

One of the reasons that people become similar to their friends and people that they spend a lot of time with is because they begin to use their friends words. Moreover If you don’t have a way of representing something then you can’t experience it. In some native American cultures there isn’t a word for lying, The concept simply doesn’t exist. As a result they never lie.

Words to use

In order to change our lives we need to know what words to use instead of the “negative” ones. In addition just like some of the native Americans we need to completely omit certain words from our vocabulary.

Instead of I hate something use I prefer something else. Instead of I fear something use I feel uncomfortable or excited when this happens. Instead of saying I’m angry say I’m slightly bothered. When someone asks you how do you feel or how do you do instead of saying OK you can say excellent or wonderful, That will surely change how you feel.

Instead of saying it stinks say it’s a little smelly. Instead of disappointment use delay. Instead of lonely use available. Instead of failure say feedback or learning. Instead of depression say not really at my peak.

These are just some of the examples you can use. Make it a game, play with it and try to come up with funny and positive alternatives. It will help you moderate your negative feelings and increase the positive. This doesn’t mean that you will never feel anger or fear, these emotions are useful in certain situations. It means that anger and fear won’t be your first choice.

Do What’s Right – Do What’s Hard

shimon — Thu, 18 Sep 2008 13:32:05 +0000

Some of the books I read talk about doing what’s easy in life. They say that if faced with an obstacle you should always seek an easier path, because there are a lot more ways to choose from than we can see.

From my experience sometimes when you are doing what’s hard you are making the biggest progress, because the experience molds you just like a bodybuilder pushing weights to mold his body. His muscles grow by pain, not excessive pain but just in the right amount.

So what’s the right amount? Like many things in life it’s something that requires balance. For instance if you come from work and you watch TV for 4 hours and then go to sleep instead of doing something that you really want like reading something beneficial or even dating if you’re single, than clearly you’re not doing enough of what’s hard.

What’s hard and what’s easy are really only definitions that we make. Objectively there are no easy or hard, what’s easy for me may be hard for you and vice versa. It all depends on how you link pain and pleasure.

Each time you do something that’s hard, you increase your options thus making yourself more flexible and therefore more powerful. The more options you have in any given situation the more powerful you become.

However sometimes what you want is way above your competence at the moment thus making it virtually impossible for you. If that’s the case then you should consider how much do you want it? In some cases there are easier alternatives that can satisfy your needs in other ways, for example if you want to be rich because you think it will give a peace of mind than what you really want is peace of mind and that can be achieved with less effort.

If however you decide that you want to achieve something and you try for a long time without results you should consider requesting help. It’s not easy to admit that we need help. For some reason we assume that we should be able to know everything and always act according to our needs.

Deep down inside you know what you should do, it is the things that frighten you the most that you should do first. I know it’s hard but there are really no alternatives. If you won’t do what’s necessary sooner or later your body will start sending signals and you will probably feel physical pain. Remember what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.