Britta Aragon is a cancer survivor and the founder of Cinco Vidas, Inc. She wrote “When Cancer Hits: Your Complete Guide to Taking Care of YOU Through Treatment.”

Photo courtesy of johanlb

I was scheduled to go through radiation as well, but after five months of losing my hair and suffering extra dry skin

and fatigue, tests showed the chemotherapy had done its job, and I didn’t have to go through radiation.

It’s Over, Right?

I didn’t have to go to chemotherapy treatments anymore. My hair started growing back (though more slowly than I would have liked). My energy gradually returned. But I felt guilty, because for me, cancer was anything but over.

Everyone expected me to be my “old self” again, or maybe to be bouncing off the walls with enthusiasm. After all, I had gone through cancer, and I had beaten it. I was healthy. No more cancer. Yea, Britta! I was expected to smile and laugh throughout the day. But I just couldn’t do it.

Nothing was the same for me, or would ever be the same. How was I supposed to go back to school and think about volleyball games, Friday nights out, homework, and boys? Cancer had changed me.

I looked different. I felt different. Why had this happened to me, I wondered? And what was I supposed to do now? Everywhere I turned, people expected me to be “normal.” My parents even lost patience with my melancholy. “It’s over,” they said. “Time to move on.”

But how was I supposed to do that? I felt lost.

Post Traumatic Stress and Depression

Years later, I learned that what I was going through back then was completely normal, although I wish I had known that at the time. I thought something was wrong with me, and I’ve since talked to many other survivors who felt the same way.

Fortunately, modern medicine is starting to recognize what many doctors and therapists are now calling “post traumatic stress and depression.”

Similar to victims of a violent crime, cancer survivors go through a difficult period after the treatments are over. Many of us feel depressed, or out of sorts. We struggle to make sense of what happened to us.

While we’re fighting the battle, taking our medications, wearing our wigs and puking up our guts, we have little time to reflect. When it’s all over, however, we have to process the experience, and unfortunately, only few of us allow ourselves the time and space to do so.

Get All the Help You Can

Make no mistake, cancer changes us. It changes our entire world, and our sense of ourselves. We often feel out of control, and have no idea how to reestablish a sense of mastery over our days.

We have all these feelings: anger, resentment, confusion, fear, anxiety, sadness that we don’t know what to do with. Many of us find our bodies permanently changed, and we suffer grief over our losses. Meanwhile we don’t even know where to begin with our emotions.

I never attended a support group, linked up with other survivors, or talked to a therapist. Today, I encourage survivors to do all these things and more. If you don’t, you might end up finding unhealthy ways of coping. For me, it was food. I realized I could control what I ate, so I quickly fell into an eating disorder that took me another several years to conquer.

It’s much better to get the help you need as soon as you can. Following are several tips for how to cope with cancer once it’s over, for it’s not really over until you can process the experience, move through your feelings about it, and become the new person you’re meant to be.

• See a counselor or psychiatrist. Make sure the individual specializes in cancer survivors. Many medical centers and cancer centers offer survivor programs for free or at a reduced rate.
• Attend a survivors support group. Many cancer centers can give you access to area groups. Be willing to listen and share. People who’ve traveled the same road will be more likely to understand where you’re coming from.
• Consider an online support group. Though I believe that an in-person support group is paramount, an online support group can also offer assistance and a place to share feelings, particularly if you feel like ranting at 3:00 in the morning. Try Planet Cancer and Cancer Compass, among others.
• Get your feelings out. Many survivors journal or blog to make sense of their experience. You may want to try art or music therapy, long walks, talks with a good friend, or time away.
• Read the good books. Picking up the Pieces is a very helpful book for the new cancer survivor. I’ve also written a book that talks about all facets of the cancer experience, called When Cancer Hits.
• Realize it takes time. You’re not going to be able to process your experience in a week. Be patient with yourself. When the feelings come up, try to deal with them in a healthy way, and be proactive about your own self-care. Your family, friends, and colleagues might not understand, so take it upon yourself to get the help you need.

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This is a guest post by By Karl Pillemer, Ph.D. Karl is the author of 30 Lessons for Living: Tried and True Advice from the Wisest Americans. The book was inspired by The Legacy Project, Facebook, Twitter.

When people seek happiness, they often think about big events: I’d be happy if only I could find a better job, make more money, find a mate, have a child – the list goes on and on.

In the Cornell University Legacy project, we’ve spent the past six years asking over 1200 of the oldest Americans for their advice to younger people on living a happier and more fulfilling life. And they see this prevalent attitude as a mistake.

When it comes to happiness, America’s elders urge us to “think small.” They believe that we must be aware and attentive to small pleasures in daily life, even as we may be waiting for something in our lives to change. They are consciously grateful for what they have, right now, rather than pinning their happiness on future achievements or possessions

On that note, here are five simple pieces of advice for happier living, from the oldest (and wisest) Americans:

Just take life in stride, I guess, do the best you can. Enjoy, if you can afford it, living; going out and treating yourself to a few luxuries, like maybe going out to dinner, going for a ride or something like that. (Abel, 77)

Be grateful for each day that you wake up. (Roman, 84)

Every morning when I wake up, I thank God that at 75 years old I’m able to get up, take my shower, go about my business, by my groceries or go to work or whatever I do, I’m very thankful for that. (Lavonne, 75)

Everybody says that you should make a goal in your life, but I don’t think that’s always necessary because you make a goal and the first thing you know, you switched over to something else. All I wanted to do was be a mother, and I did. I had three boys and three girls and my husband made a living for us, we did fairly well, all of our children are still living and they’re happy, so I’m happy. (Roseanne, 79)

To live a decent life, a comfortable life, and that basically makes me happy. (Luann, 81)

We don’t have to wait until we are old to use this knowledge. In our studies, the elders say that younger people can take this “savoring” approach to daily life now, and reap the benefits of it over the entire course of their lives.

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This is a guest post by Jack Lundee of Everything Left and Shades of Green.A leader usually has the ability to influence and change his environment, circumstances and even other people.

By being a leader you’re taking control over your life and you’ve the opportunity to accomplish wonderful things like:

peace between countries as a politician or a fortune 500 company as an entrepreneur.

What constitutes somebody as a leader?

Well according to Google’s definition: “The Person who leads or commands a group, organization or country.” However, I believe a leader to be somebody who practices integrity, or abides by a few simple ethical principles. Likewise, I would consider a leader to be somebody who’s enlightened. Here’s why:

Somebody that constantly follows a set of moral life rules will eventually fall into a leadership position, whether it is for an instance in time or many years. Possessing integrity means that you are prone to entertain things like manners, respect, honesty and commitment.

However all of these traits can’t successfully be achieved without having a rational and well-informed outlook on life, which also works in accordance with your perception of the things around you.

So, if integrity is dependent on enlightenment, or a rational outlook on life, and enlightenment is dependent on your thought process as a human being, then it stems back to beliefs and behavior.

You see, in order to reach a certain level of respect for others and yourself, you must always remember to address your surroundings and relationships in a positive light. In other words, having the clear understanding that morality is important in exercising each and every life situation will lead you on a more righteous path.

Being an enlightened leader

A great example of an enlightened leader (and not to sound cliche) would be the former President, Clinton. Alongside close confident Doug Band, Clinton has achieved some wonderful things and created some groundbreaking organizations like the Clinton Global Initiative.

Founded in 2005, the collaborative unit of world leaders, nonprofits and business professionals tackled some of the world’s most pressing issues including poverty alleviation, educational development, climate change and more.

Clinton and Band were able to see a world in need of desperate help in the areas listed above. Through their strong believes and ideas, they provide commitments to action which continue to earn them respect and integrity.

Nonetheless, they yield traits of enlightened leaders, which is why they’re both great models for helping us appreciate the connection between integrity, leadership and enlightenment. As long as you’re utilizing a bit of common sense, the three will always fall into place, and eventually lead you to an ethical, successful and happy life.

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This is a guest post by Darshan G. Shanti. Darshan “The 24 Hour Champion” is a Business and Life Turnaround Specialist: His particular expertise is working with small to mid-sized businesses that are actively dying and bringing them back to life in 24 hours…or less. Whether he’s on the stage speaking
to 1000s, tightly huddled together in a small group workshop, or working one on one with a CEO, Darshan will transform your most important, valuable assets and the real bottom line; you and your people.

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