Spirituality and Self Help » acceptance

The Secrets Of How To Boost Your Charisma

shimon — Mon, 17 Aug 2009 01:10:24 +0000

This is a guest post by Jon Rhodes. Jon is a very successful clinical hypnotherapist from the UK. If you are interested in self improvement, you can read the details of his very popular therapeutic hypnosis mp3 sessions. Charisma can help you in many aspects of life. It can help you win friends, be popular with the opposite sex, and even land that new exciting job. There is almost nothing that charisma can help you achieve.

For some, it is very natural to be charismatic. They just seem to have that ‘X-Factor’. However it is comforting to know that charisma can also be developed. Here are four top methods to help boost your charisma:

1 Have goals you are working towards. There are a lot more followers than leaders, so if you want to stand out then be a trailblazer. There is nothing wrong with being a follower, but people are naturally drawn to leaders.

Set yourself goals to work to. Have a sense of purpose and a vision – a big goal that you are working towards. You may or may not succeed to meet your goal, or it might change over time, but if you always have one, people will naturally feel drawn to you as you present the possibility of an exciting future. Don’t simply pretend to have a goal as people will quickly see through you and you will lose all credibility. In any case it is far more satisfying to spend life attempting to meet realistic goals.

2 Love yourself. If you don’t like yourself, how do you expect others to like you? Unknowingly you constantly give out thousands of small subconscious clues on how you should be treated, and it all begins with treating yourself right.

You need to learn to appreciate that you are a unique and valuable human being. Accept yourself as you are. It’s fine to have some flaws. You can work on improving them. However it must be remembered that the most charismatic people on earth are the ones with flaws. Someone who is perfect is not really all that interesting anyway. People are drawn to people, not robots. Be happy with who you are, wart and all. Love yourself and others will soon follow suit.

3 Be honestly interested in others. You must have met many people who talk incessantly about themselves? This may be OK at first, but after a while it becomes very tiresome and you just want to avoid them.

Charismatic people appreciate other people just as much as they appreciate themselves. Relax and listen properly to what other people are saying. Give them space to talk. You will learn new things, and they will notice and appreciate that you actually listen to them. The Chinese have a saying: “You have two ears and one mouth – use them in that proportion.”

Some people struggle concentrating on listening to others, and become anxious that they may forget what they are thinking next. This causes them to not listen properly to what the person was saying, as they struggle to remember what they want to say, then immediately respond to what they say with something totally irrelevant.

This will not win you too many fans, and is irritating to the recipient. Relax, allow that thought to disappear, and listen. This thought will return if it is still relevant. If it is so important, you will remember it again some time in the future. With a little practice listening becomes much easier, and you will enjoy far more productive two way conversations.

4 Model someone who you consider very charismatic. Hypnotherapists and NLP practitioners often utilize this technique very successfully. It could be a friend, a celebrity, or even a fictional character that you model. You may wish to be like James Bond for example. Don’t try and copy them exactly, just consider how they would act in the situations you face.

You have to sometimes be careful with this as it may not be appropriate to blow up the whole building up with your watch, or do a flying kick to the face a la Bruce Lee! Get a ‘feel’ of a certain character, and how they work on the inside. Try to catch their essence, rather than exactly cloning them. Done with thought and care this can significantly raise your charisma levels.

So remember you should have goals that you are working towards, love yourself, listen to others, and model other charismatic people. Try to be charismatic, but don’t try too hard. Watch other people and observe what they ‘get right’ and what they ‘get wrong’ in the charisma game.

This will greatly increase your awareness over time, and help hone your skills. Pretty soon you will notice huge strides in charisma levels, and your success and enjoyment of life will also soar. Now get out there and wow the world with your new charming charismatic self!

How To Master Your Emotions To Achieve Peace Of Mind

shimon — Sat, 01 Aug 2009 20:25:52 +0000

Have you ever heard someone saying “he made me feel x” or “because of her I felt y” ? Maybe you even said it yourself. Stop for a moment and think about it, did they point a gun to your head and forced you to feel something? The truth is we and no one else are responsible for our emotions.

Have you ever felt great even though something you consider negative happened? For instance maybe it was raining and you were all soaked and you still smiled and enjoyed the moment, or maybe something you consider good happened and you still felt bad. These examples show us that we can choose our emotions and we don’t have to react to the situation or to the other person.

Change your negative emotions into positive emotions

Usually our decision to feel a certain emotion is unconscious but it doesn’t have to be that way. At first you’ll notice your emotions only after you feel them. Start by accepting your emotions and take full responsibility for them, you can’t change something until you accept it.

Think about the positive intent of the feeling. E.g. Perhaps the fear helps saving your life or gives you a feeling of safety. If you don’t know what the intent is you can use the Six-Step Reframing technique to find the positive intentions and to find alternative ways to accomplish your positive function.

Permit yourself to feel sad, frightened, angry or any emotion you consider negative. Explain yourself that it’s ok to feel that way and distinguish between the emotion and yourself. If you feel angry it doesn’t mean that you’re angry and if you feel scared it doesn’t mean you’re a coward.

Don’t try to block the emotion, instead let yourself feel it as much as you can. If you’ll stay with the emotion you’ll find peace. Notice if you’ve unpleasant feelings in the body every time you feel the emotion, if you do ask yourself what emotion lays underneath the first emotion and let yourself feel it. Keep doing it until you feel all the emotions.

Realize that you don’t feel that way all day long, there are times when you feel great. Think about all the instances when you felt bad, what do they all have in common? In most cases you’ll see that it’s related to a few areas in your life that require your attention. It can be areas like self acceptance and love, making independent decisions, loneliness and so on. These areas are related to limiting beliefs. Talk to someone about the things that bother you. It’s best to talk to a professional but your friends and family can help too.

Think about all the times you felt great. Remember what it was like feel the emotions, remember the things you saw, heard, smelled and so on. Make an image of the good times you had, make the colors of the image bright and vivid. Make the image bigger and bigger and notice how you feel about it. Play with it until you feel wonderful. Our thoughts influence our emotions, If you have a negative sentence that you keep repeating in your mind simply replace it with something short and positive.

Judgment Versus Discernment

shimon — Sun, 18 Jan 2009 15:09:59 +0000

This is a guest post by Natheya. Natheya uses the Language of Light to heal.

Being a conscious human, I notice and am aware of what is happening in the world around me.

I am the world and I embrace all of it. Similarly, my internal condition — my moods, the running dialogue in my head, as well as the feelings I experience: like anger, joy, frustration etc. — is an observable state.

Our discernment of our external and internal world is not something that we actively have to manage. It does not require our vigilance. We do not have to make ’selections’, we don’t have to shut down what our senses show us, and we don’t have to separate ourselves. We are every thing and every one. In freedom.

On the other hand, I believe that we can guide our judgment of our experiences. Let’s say a fly has entered the room. I notice it. This is discernment. If I criticize myself for having created the situation by leaving the window open that allowed the fly in, I have entered into judgment. Discernment is a natural act that we engage in without planning or conscious thought. It is part of life and our willingness to be the life that is moving in and out of us and every one and every thing around us, in oneness.

Judgment is optional. Because our behavior is influenced not only by our conscious awareness but also by our habits, releasing our judgment is a committed choice. In much the same way that it requires effort to not look up when someone says my name, if I am accustomed to cursing like a maniac when I see a fly, changing this pattern of behavior will be an active decision from the heart. That said, the first step of changing a habit is, of course, discernment — noticing that I am doing it.

Discernment — what I notice — awareness. Judgment — what I do with what I notice — a choice.To discern the world as it is — with me, my emotions, my feelings, and my mood as a part of that world — this is something I do automatically as part of being and allowing all of it.

On the other hand, judgment — something that I still do frequently enough, something that I occasionally get a little rush from doing, and something that I can sometimes discern that I am doing while I’m doing it (but yes, that ’sometimes’ is changing now into ‘most of the time’) — is optional. Let’s gently show our mind this while we hold it in our heart. Heart is where the mind is to be, and it does listen! It is a time of action not re-action.

Here is a great video that makes you think more about discernment and life.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=OHUVXhjOafo

Self Acceptance and The Art of Loving Yourself – The Sequel

shimon — Sun, 27 Jul 2008 22:59:49 +0000

In my previous post about this subject I wrote about self acceptance and loving yourself. In this post I want to elaborate and tell you an interesting allegory I recently read.

One man was so troubled by the look of his shadow and felt so detested by his footprints and steps, that he decided to get rid of them. He decided to run away from them. He stood up on his feet and started running, But every time he laid another step on the ground, another step was created, and his shadow caught up with him without any trouble.

He decided that the shadow caught him because he didn’t run fast enough. He hasten his steps, and ran faster and faster, without stopping, until eventually he dropped down and died.

he didn’t understand that if he would just stand under the shadow of a tree, His shadow would disappear, and if he just sat quietly ,then there wont be more steps.

Most of us act a lot like this man. we try to run away from our shadows.
The shadow in this allegory is anything you don’t like about yourself, may it be your anger, grief, fear, greed or even physical attributes like your nose. When you’re alive you cast a shadow there is no other option. However the shadow isn’t real, It cant live on it’s own it’s there because some of the sun beams that hit you are blocked and can’t pass through.

People create their confusion by creating an ideal. They are trying to reach an ideal and Because of it they condemn themselves for not being the way they “should”. When you compare yourself to your ideal you feel like something is missing.

How can you be happy if you have so many things that need to happen before you can feel happy. Have you ever noticed that it’s enough for one little thing to go wrong and you can feel bad? Why not reverse it. Make yourself a lot of conditions that need to occur before you can feel sad and feel happy because of the smallest things.

When you think “if only this will happen then I will be happy” you’re putting a barrier between yourself and happiness because even if it will happen there will always be something else.

Once you agree that anger or fear or “bad” thoughts will reside in you, you will be on the right path to self acceptance. It’s similar to a situation where your house is full of darkness and you say that the darkness needs to go away before you hit the light switch. The darkness is simply the absence of light it isn’t real and when you will turn on the light it will go away. Fear ,anger etc are not real they are the absence of a happy and fulfilled life. It is because you can’t have fun that you’re angry other people are only an excuse.

God has created you and you condemn yourself? You are basically saying that god is wrong and everything should be according to what you say. You can’t be smarter than god nor can you change what he created. The paradox is that once you accept yourself you and everyone around you will be different and life will become easier.

The man in the story tried to escape from his shadow, and that’s how most of us act. When we feel anger we say to ourselves don’t feel like that because “it’s not good” or someone said it’s bad. By doing so you’re stifling your anger and with time it becomes rage. Then your anger will permeate your thoughts and your body.

Once you see that you are still angry you say to yourself I haven’t stifled enough I should do it more even though it’s the reason for the rage in the first place. When you fight with yourself you always need to be on the guard because if you let go maybe your anger will resurface.

Where ever you will run your shadow will catch up, running isn’t the answer. Sitting under the shadow of a tree is. The shadow is peace and quiet. When you close your eyes the rays of the sun can’t penetrate and you can meditate to achieve your peace. The answer is within not in the world around you.

If you fight something you’re making it important. You’re focusing on it and it effects you. If you fight with the thoughts you have to use arguments. you’re trying to convince your mind. Just let go. When you clean your room there is no argument, You’re not saying to the room now I will clean you because you’re messy. You simply do it because it’s messy.

Here is another great video about self acceptance and loving yourself.